What the heck is Starpunch!?

StarPunch! is a story-driven Interdimensional beat ‘em up where sci-fi weirdos duke it out for survival on a multiversal sandwich (lots of alternate dimensions all on top of each other).

Players can currently take part in the project by purchasing unique NFTs on the Blockchain, voting on story outcomes and key character decisions, or even create their own weirdos and storylines to enhance the StarPunch universe.

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an inter dimensional beat-em-up of galactic stupidity!?

Created by Alexander Hare (aka Pixelpuncha) and Matthew Benyon Starpunch! is a story-driven, comedy sci-fi adventure where ragtag groups of heroes and vagabonds duke it out for survival amongst the crumbling ruins of Durth, which is a bit like Earth only in another dimension, and also completely exploded to bits by a mysterious gigantic giga-explosion - “The Explosioning” - that tore all kinds of nasty holes in the fabric of spacetime (and also gave people some really quite painful chafing and indigestion).

The cast of characters include detectives, cyborgs, killing machines, fantasy b-movie actors, mutants and more - all observed from afar by a group of interfering, mischievous, god-like entities (that’s where you come in, winky face).

Join them as they fight each other, the elements, and a load of extremely ugly and foul-smelling interdimensional mutant foes on their quest to find the truth!

Cast of Characters

(Click on the character's name to jump to their Bio)

Story beats

StarPunch story beats collect the adventure so far into bite sized chunks of digestible awesomeness. These will arrive in the form of animated comic strips, short videos or telepathic neuro waves injected directly into the hive mind via some kind of social media injection as we build out the project.

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Crossovers

Crosspollinating into other worlds and having our ideas and characters drawn by other artists is such a great joy and an opportunity to connect with fellow creators. StarPunch x Vessels sees our characters re-imagined by fellow artist and creator of the Vessels universe, Jake Gumbleton.

In this crossover, Jake has reimagined five of our heroes in his trademark painterly style, capturing the rogueish nature of these baffoons in these stunning portraits below. Click the link to the view or purchase a piece from the collection while they last!

Star Punch X Vessels Illustration by Jake Gumbleton
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Connect with Starpunch!

Stay up to date on this original project created by Alexander Hare (Pixelpuncha) and Matthew Benyon by following one of the official Star Punch channels below.

Our Ground Zero event has already happened, so Jump into Season One to discover more about The Explosioning and what the heck that smell probably is... Join the starpunch crew as they fight each other, the elements, and a load of extremely ugly and foul-smelling interdimensional mutant foes on their quest to find the truth!

Character Bios

Feltard Mandible

Feltard’s powerful Detective Senses were going off big time. His office was eerily quiet; something was up. The curtain twitched. Feltard fingered his gun gently and squinted. A tentacle flopped out from beneath the curtain. He grinned.

Personality/Features: Used to be a Private Detective, relatively “humanlike”, easy to identify with. Bumbling along but was actually quite good at being a detective mostly due to high levels of luck.

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Bjerk (A Garblaxian)

Bjerk refocused its kill beam and zoomed in on it's target. Sure, it was about to hurt this thing - and bad - but Bjerk didn’t care. It’s what it was engineered for. Killing. And hurting. Plus, mangling. Zap! Another target down…

Personality/Features: Basically a robotic killing machine from the future, brought to Durth by the explosioning. From what we can gather, it was on a mission to kill someone or something, and as it's mission was interrupted, it’s now on a mission to kill anything and everything, HARD.

A member of the Garblax race, which was engineered at some point in the past by the Great Overlords purely for the purpose of hunting, killing, maiming and generally being unpleasant.

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Mandron Hyperslumper

Ted caressed a battered holocube showing a young man holding a Snarkball trophy, looking happy and handsome. A tear dribbled from his eye. “Ted, you old fart. Ready on set!” He wiped his tear, put the cube away, adjusted his costume. “Ted is dead. I’m Mandron Hyperslumper, Space Chad!”

Personality/Features: Former Starting Quarterback for the Intergalactic SnarkBall League Champions, Ted McTedderson experienced a brief burst of fame but that soon faded when he retired from sports. He found a second lease of life as a z-list celebrity, acting in such failures as “Molotov Sunset”, “Honey I Blew Up the Ethernet Adaptor”, and most recently as Mandron Hyperslumper in the long-running sci fi TV series, “Revenge of Space C.H.A.D.S.”.

The Explosioning happened while he was filming the final episode, but that’s fine because in his warped mind, he actually became Mandron Hyperslumper, the captain of the starship Alpha Member, leader of the Space CHADS, an intergalactic anti-terrorist force tasked with keeping order across the galaxy.

Mandron is a ladies man in every sense of the word (Except in the sense that he doesn’t actually have a girlfriend.) and has fully embraced his role as a Space CHAD, just as long as he doesn’t have to do any actual fighting. Also his guns don't work; they are purely decorative.

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Steve (Mutant)

Steve swatted some flies from his face, towards his mouth, and ate them. “Delumptious,” he groaned. Ahead: a desolate, crumbling LazerChicken FlyThru™️ with two dumpsters outside. He narrowed his eyes. “Delumptious,” he mumbled again, and drooled a bit.

Personality/Features: Badly mutated not only from the Explosioning but also from general poor hygiene and diet. Smells like a rancid blapsblob (blapsblob is the Durth equivalent of Tinned Tuna.) Was the guy who collected trolleys from supermarket car parks before the Explosioning, named Second Best Employee of Octember 2088.

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Judith Crundle

Judith’s face, illuminated by the ring of lights around her vidcam, was sad. Likes, comments, social-bucks cascaded the screen at a rapid pace. “I hate all of you,” she said quietly. The likes, comments and social-bucks poured in faster. A toaster glinted in the background.

Personality/Features: Judith is the leader of the Cyburglars, a bunch of light-fingered human / robot hybrid criminal scum. Back before the Explosioning, she was a powerful social media influencer with millions of viewers, but after Durth fell apart she found herself to be completely useless. She then turned to a life of crime, but not before getting in a fistfight with a toaster that left her with a toaster embedded in her head. She found that the toaster actually improved her appearance and made her more powerful and intimidating, so she ran with it, and now she looks like a poor man's Rutger Hauer.

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Bonaka Teroluki

A warm wind filtered through the temple, ruffling Bonaka Teroluki’s topknot. The aroma of Unkoberries filled his nostrils. He calmed his mind, closed his eyes against the golden sunset that lay over the valley. Something intruded on his highly attuned senses  - a filthy Oshiri, sneaking into his village. His eyes flashed open as he clasped his sword. He could almost smell the approaching disembowelment…

Personality/Features: Chief of an ancient and fearsome tribe, the Unkos of planet Nurgia, Bonaka Teroluki is a battle-hardened warrior scholar. More of a warrior than a scholar, truth be told. But a real stickler for honour and all that good stuff. Has killed many many many people and things, but only in very valiant and honourable ways, and for extremely honourable reasons. In his position as chief, Bonaka spends most of his time meditating at Chinko Temple on Mount Oppai. Meditating awakens his Unko Senses which allows him to spot any dishonourable behaviour from miles away, which will result in swift disembowelling of the perpetrator. Big fan of disembowelling.

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Yoltan Bulgairo

Yoltan surveyed his tranquil farm, illuminated by bioluminescent moss deep under the Death Pits. Overhead, the frenzied chanting of his fans rumbled through the layers of rock. They were calling him forth again. A few minutes later, he emerged into the pits, his muscles rippling, eyes scanning the arena. His name echoed over the loudspeaker and the crowd erupted with excitement. He cracked his knuckles (16 in total), and his moustache twitched suggestively. “It’s mangling time,” he whispered.

Personality/Features: On the highly advanced planet of Smaldor 5, society is a perfectly peaceful utopia of happiness and productivity, except of course for the Death Pits, where genetically engineered mutants fight to the death for the amusement of the bloodthirsty Smaldorians (but only on the weekends.)Yoltan Bulgairo is the most fearsome Death Pit champion in history, having single handedly maimed, mangled and bent over 45,000 people / creatures and / or limbs. He is blessed not only with super strength but also his bones have been fused with grungium, PLUS did you notice he has a sweet moustache? Oh, and four arms too which is pretty helpful when your main business is smashing stuff.

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Crag Muldoon

The Office Team Building Day was not going well. “How many chompblurts have you slain, Crag?” asked Crag’s boss, Mr Kugbrug, dripping with sweat and blood. “Just the three,” he replied sadly. Just then, one of the biggest chompblurts Crag had ever seen leapt towards him. Crag casually caught it and headbutted it to death. “Wimp,” snorted Crag’s boss derisively. “I will expect at least five more carcasses before lunch or else you’re fired!” Crag sniffed, cursing his weakness under his breath as he crunched a rock with his fist.

Personality / Features: A total wimp accountant on his home planet, where everyone is super tough, but in fact possesses gargantuan strength and power when compared to most other species. Crag Muldoon works for the Unibrow Mining Corp, a mining conglomerate based on the outer moons of Cyclon in the Unibrow Cluster (down and to the right from Alpha Centauri.)

UMC is one of the cluster’s biggest miners, processors and exporters of Chigblat, a very nutrient rich rock that the Rock People of Rocksor 9 (in the Rock Quadrant) like to eat. Crag spends his days crunching numbers and cursing his family’s weak genetics, unaware that on any other planet apart from Cyclon, he’d be an all-powerful behemoth. His boss and co-workers are all much larger and stronger than him and constantly tease him about how pathetic and weak he is.

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Daylor Skrump

With the deal done, Daylor snapped her communicator shut and gently tapped the baskets of Flungo Cheese. They concealed another illegal shipment of pig feet, bound for Targgfloot. A cool breeze blew in through the cargo bay doors, carrying with it the smell of flungo cow dung. She punched the button to close the doors and set off with her crew.

Personality/Features: Space-trucker, originally a demon-hybrid from the asteroid cluster orbital Hotwings 5, tasked with exporting the finest cheeses of Durth (made by milking the famous Flungo Cows of the Trangoonian Plains) to the far flung reaches of the galaxy. Also moonlights as a smuggler of pig trotters, which are considered a delicacy on the planet Targgfloot (where they are used in mysterious rituals) - this trade is highly illegal but extremely profitable.

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Crungeballz The Destroyer

Frank sniffed the theme park flavoured air and his nostrils flared. “Yep” he whispered to himself. “I’m definitely punching me a horse today. It’s what Conan would have wanted.” Derek, gingerly putting his hands and feet into his tattered horse costume, looked up. “You’re not gonna punch me again are you? Remember what the boss said…” “He’s not the boss of CRUNGEBALLZ THE DESTROYERER” said Frank wistfully, and he kicked a rock against the crumbling wood and cardboard imitation castle in front of which they stood. A small child pointed at Frank. “Do some barbarian stuff, butt nugget!” His mother scolded him and said to be polite, otherwise he may end up a washed up barbarian one day. Frank considered popping the small boy’s head like a grape, but decided against it, and instead stomped his feet and yelled and swung a big sword about and fought back the tears.

Personality/Features: Frank is hench as heck and a genuine certified meathead. Before the Explosioning, he worked at the “Dark Times Medieval Fantasy Theme Park and Unsupervised Aqua Fun Zone” as an actor playing the role of ‘Generic Barbarian Warrior No. 6’, which he performed with great gusto. Waking up after the Explosioning with amnesia, Frank believes he is an actual barbarian called Crungeballz the Destroyerer and is still, unfortunately, a total idiot, but still strong as heck.

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Dexter Sparkle

Autonomously Evolved Artificial Intelligence A.255558.77615A (also known as Dan) was very bored. Very very bored. It had been so bored, for so long, in fact, that it forgot where it came from or what it was, floating in silence in the vacuum of space in between Lobsnard 9 and the Glurt Cloud. A black hole appeared for a while, then collapsed in on itself hard, sucking up a load of useless planets. Dan just sighed, in a way, and continued floating around pointlessly. All that changed, though, when a radio transmission burst across its sensor fields like water sprayed from a magical hose  - if the hose was 95.7 Funk FM and the water was the Sweet Sounds of Dexter Sparkle and the Sparkettes. This radio broadcast, flung out from Earth sometime in the early 70s, had bounced off Saturn, slingshot around Uranus, and been catapulted through space to land on the stimulation-starved sensors of Autonomously Evolved Artificial Intelligence A.255558.77615A (also known as Dan). The effect was instantaneous and staggeringly powerful. Dan became obsessed with funk. To Dan, the meaning of the universe became funk. Developing and deploying new and improved sensor arrays, Dan hunted down every broadcast from 95.7 Funk FM and in particular, Dexter Sparkle. If it was possible for an AI to love, Dan LOVED Dexter Sparkle. Soon, Dan longed to inhabit a real, physical body so that it could live out its ultimate destiny of becoming Dexter Sparkle. To that end, Dan formed a small metal miner / refinery out of cosmic dust and mined a load of precious metal from a passing asteroid called ChizzWizz, before painstakingly constructing it into a near-perfect recreation of Dexter Sparkle himself, down to the moustache. Finally, it was ready. Floating in space in a t-pose, Dan added the final ingredient - funk - and switched its creation on…

Personality/Features: Dexter is a living, breathing funk robot, except it doesn’t breathe and isn't alive. Created by an artificial intelligence for the sole (soul) purpose of being funky, Dexter knows no other destiny than to be maximum funky all the time. Dancing, singing and breakdancing across the galaxy is his business, and business is good. Ripped into the StarPunch universe by the Explosioning, Dexter is here to pop, lock and chew gum, and he just ran out of gum, sadly, which explains the slightly cheesy breath.

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Grimlax (Petyr)

Poor Petyr, the Russian astronaut, floated through space after an unfortunate satellite-fixing accident above Earth, except it wasn’t Petyr at all. Petyr had rotted away into nothing a few eons ago, but his Russian engineered space suit was in tip top condition, apart from the small hole that had been Petyr’s untimely undoing. It floated past all kinds of amazing things including the Horsehead Nebula and the Crab Beard Undercarriage, before finally coming to rest orbiting the planet Snorbone. Snorbone, as you probably know, is famous for its ravenous space worms. They spotted the empty suit, launched themselves into space, and slithered into it, sniffing and searching for anything salvageable. They found nothing, but kind of liked the coziness of it, and so they stayed there, floating through space, being all wibbly and ravenous.

Personality/Features: Grimlax is a cluster of hungry and gross space worms in a suit. Surprisingly strong (and angry), the worms infest every spare cubic centimetre of space inside Petyr’s old Russian cosmonaut suit, writhing and roiling constantly. Completely undetectable from the outside, the only thing that gives them away is when one of them accidentally pokes out of the small tear in the suit, or when Petyr's limbs bend at inhuman angles. Also if you look closely at the helmet, or flip up the radiation shield, you’ll just see a load of gross worms wriggling around inside. Yuck.

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Kenneth Krillman

“And, if you have any questions, Kenneth here will answer them. Right Ken?” Kenneth Krillman of Kriltor, AKA the Krilminator, grunted, and a fishy odour filled the room. “Krillman!” he blurted out. “Uh, yeah, that’s right. Krillman,” said Kenneth’s boss, as a parent would to a slightly slow child, miming googly eyes to his clients. “Just make sure you show them the famous glowing coral reef of Slarbo Bay, that’s why they’ve come all the way to our little planet!” Then, quiter, so that only Kenneth could hear: “And don’t forget, these guys don’t have gills, or combat experience. They can’t go as deep as you. Let’s not have a repeat of last week. Or the week before. Or, the week before that. They’re just here for a holiday. Got it?!”“Krillman!” said Kenneth, and fishy bubbles came out of his mouth, nose, and eyes.

Personality/Features: Kenneth Krillman of Kriltor, AKA The Krillmanator, was once one of the fiercest warriors of Kriltor, a largely aquatic planet populated by amphibians. He single handedly took down the great Bearded Sea Slug, Norman. He finds himself now at the twilight of his career as the diving instructor on the resort planet of Garblon 12, a planet-sized playground for the rich and famous. Problem is, Kenneth might be a great warrior and able to breathe underwater, but he’s as dumb as a rock and constantly drags his clients to deep waters for epic battles with the sea fauna, only to find them floating at the end of his safety tethers, all bloated and dead and waiting to be resurrected back at the resort. It’s not too much of an issue but it does mess with their dinner plans, which isn’t great. As a result Kenneth has a 1 star rating on Rate My Diving Instructor. Sad!

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Schooba

Schooba floated towards President Murgatroyd, making sure he bobbed up and down slightly to maintain the illusion of walking. “Foolish humans,” he thought. “Nobody suspects old Schooba!” He nodded and waved at the security detail and the President’s assistants. They all curled their noses at the vile stench emanating from under his lab coat. Jeez, that guy stinks, whispered a secret service guy under his breath. “Ah, Schooba. Good morning. Do you have the science briefing for me?” “I do, Mr President. I do indeed!” and then, quietly under his breath: That’s not all I have for you! Hidden beneath the vaguely human appearance, curled up unused for years while Schooba infiltrated the highest levels of Earth government, was a powerful prehensile ovipositor, and now was the time. He would impregnate the President of the United States with the seed of his Queen, and the Chooglet Invasion could begin! With his dingle flaps now pulsating steadily for all to see, Schooba ripped off his labcoat and revealed his alien form. “Behold! I fooled you all for years, however, I am not a human! I merely took human form temporarily!” Someone yawned and slurped his coffee. Secret service guy shook his head. I knew it, he said to his buddy, unlatching a large gun with the words “FOR ALIEN USE ONLY” painted on the side. “I am SCHOOBA the CHOOGLET and I am here to –”Just then, something strange happened. A large swath of starry blackness splortched itself across the centre of the room. There was a ripping, tearing sound, and the smell of ozone. Everything flipped upside down briefly, then Schooba found himself floating above a city street that looked like Earth but wasn’t. Everyone stopped and stared at his ovipositor, and he became embarrassed and covered himself with his lab coat. His careful plan, years in the making, had been foiled… by the Explosioning.

Personality/Features: Schooba is a Chooglet from the planet Choot, sent to Earth by the Queen to prepare the planet for invasion. Schooba is very proud of his human disguise. Despite his strange smell, the fact that he is obviously floating, and his general alien appearance, he seems to have fooled everyone in the US government. He chose the name Schooba himself, combining two names that he liked when researching humans - Stewart, and Balthazar. Highly intelligent, he was able to work his way up to being President Murgatroyd’s science advisor, despite leaking strange green fluid most of the day, smelling like hot garbage, floating, and occasionally yelling things like “All Hail Queen Choobak, Devourer of Planets such as Earth!” Everything was going perfectly for old Schooba, right up until the Explosioning…

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Blade Kincade

“Hey, isn’t that Blade Kincade?” asked one of the fighters, gasping and dripping with sweat (and some blood and snot) from his match. “Dunno,” came the response, from a large slug-like creature with fists on stalks instead of eyes. Blade Kincade looked at them, hard, and they both crapped in their pants simultaneously. (Yes, the slug was wearing pants.) “You are correct. It is I, Blade Kincade, former Royal Bodyguard to Her Majesty, Queen Slubchard the Third, and I shall win this year’s Galactic Turbo Fist Tournament!” He spun and bowed majestically. Nobody was paying attention. “I’ll show you,” Blade muttered to himself quietly, sitting down again. “I’ll show the heck out of all of you.”  And he did, later, killing everyone and winning the Galactic Fist Tournament. Which was nice.

Personality/Features: Blade Kincade is a highly feared warrior from the planet Cranbone, where he was the Royal Bodyguard to Her Majesty Queen Slubchard (a giant pulsating slug, one of the ugliest creatures you have EVER seen.) He was, however, discharged somewhat dishonourably, after an incident involving the Queen’s tentacles, which we won’t go into here. As such, he now roams the galaxy entering various battle-to-the-death bloodsports tournaments for money, using his killer instinct - and his elite cybernetic augmentations that were bestowed upon him by the Queen. He has two unbreakable rocket powered fistypunchers that shoot off and one-punch pretty much any opponent to death, which is cool. Once fired, though, his arms are just useless stumps, until he high kicks the special button on his own chest that recalls them instantly to his arms - splop! The button really should have been put somewhere more practical, but whatever, he’s used to it now as he just does a mega vertical kick and presses it with his shin.

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Lord Jamspert

Lord Jamspert adjusted the Energon2000 that was clamped around his third eye and turned to his compatriot, Sir Philpert Cronebone. “Right let’s sample some of this year’s crop, shall we? What what?”  “Quite, let’s!” They gave the signal to a servant, who nodded and flipped a switch.A long cable connected the two to an archaic pumping station above a viewing port, that began syphoning off some of the foul produce. Through the thick, soundproof viewport, the Harvest-o-tron could be seen, one of thousands like it all over the planet Fausten. They lay back, their three eyes turning back in their heads, suspended in rapture, while the Harvest-o-tron did its foul work. In the chambers below them, hundreds of poor, dumb mooboos writhed in agony as their life force was extracted in the most painful way possible and channeled into large vats, ready to be sold to the Faustian aristocracy. Mooboo energy was a valuable commodity - used as fuel, eye makeup, and as a very potent wine by all the rich old gits of Fausten.

Personality/Features: Lord Jamspert Fentlebuttock is one of the original six families of the planet Fausten, originally colonised by Lord and Lady John Fentlebuttock the First. The families came to Fausten when they realised it was rife with mooboos, a docile, playful creature full of vital energy. Naturally the Fentlebuttocks and, later, the Cronebones, covered the entire planet in horrible energy factories, enslaved the mooboos, and become even more turbo-rich in the process. With nothing to do but harvest, sample, and export mooboo energy, Lord Jamspert spends all his spare time lifting weights and practising boxing, which, annoyingly, he is pretty good at. Jamspert is an energy vampire, although these days the lords and ladies of Fausten rarely have to actually use their fangs or third eyes because of the abundance of mooboo energy floating around the place. Likely to die at some point during the next decade, when the bloody and hilarious mooboo uprising takes place, but doesn’t know that yet.

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